Sometimes taking a look back is a reminder you still ALIVE!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

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I pray for a 3 year old girl named Claire who has cancer, had chemo and surgery.  One day I came upon her page to Caring Bridge~a site where cancer patients and family can share their stories and journal their days.  It brought me back to my very first day of treatment.  I went to my journal entries I had written on this site and decided that I would share them here.  We are not to live in our past nor does carrying our past around with us do much but weigh us down and keep us from living now.  However, simply looking back can be a wonderful reminder of where we are today and in my case, it reminds me I am KEEPIN ON! And I also love to see how I have grown up in the Lord! I post these entries to share my journey from the beginning.  And as I begin to share my story, I ask in Jesus' name that He use my experience to help and heal others.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 8:08 PM, EDT
Day 1: So I woke up this morning feeling 'excited'! I had to stop every now and then and ponder if what I was feeling is normal or was I confusing it with another emotion, anxiety, it drew nearer to leaving for treatment I still felt 'excited'. When I walked into the radiation department I felt certain, energized and at peace. I then knew it really truly was 'excitement' that I was feeling. I was anxious to begin the fight for my life! As I grabbed a not-so-lovely johnny from the closet (thinking, "who really cares what it looks like, I'm here to save my life...but if I'm going to be here every single day for 6 weeks maybe there's something I could jazz it up with" and that is when my socks became the opening liner most days.)

The radiation therapist briefed me on what will become a daily routine and said in a casual somewhat routine yet somewhat concerned manner "are you okay?" (I think she was thinking I looked way too happy and way too energized to be there~like maybe I was in the wrong place;-) I said "yeah, I'm excited. I'm ready." She replied, "well, that's one I've never heard before." And then I knew she must have been thinking I had checked into the wrong place! And I thought '"well, you have never heard that before because you have never met me before!")
So, I entered the radiation room filled with calmness and peace that only the Lord is able to bless me with. I laid down on the hard and thin table flopping my legs open into the mold we made last week (I'm pretty sure I looked like a frog bathing in the sun). The peace and calm was so powerful that I was able to fall asleep in less than 5 minutes! The treatment itself only took 5 minutes but I felt like I had been sleeping for 20 and wanted to enjoy the relaxation for at least another 10 more! But since I will be seeing these same people everyday for the next 6 weeks I chose not to argue and 'hopped' down off the table;-)

As I walked out of the room I prayed for the next person that would be laying on the table after me~that the Lord would wrap His arms around him or her and fight their cancer with them as He has been for me! Today was a great day! I enjoyed cleaning my house, cleaning my camper, the fresh air, time with my parents and my children and husband. I may not be this energized tomorrow but I will live~laugh~love and be strong every chance I can!