It's not the's not the kids...

Saturday, September 25, 2010

| | |'s GOD WAKING ME UP!! Funny, how if the dog were to jump down off the bed and wake me because he is too lazy to jump back up, so he whines until I roll over and pick him up or if the kids wake me because of a bad dream or a midnight bathroom break I feel frustrated and annoyed. But, when God wakes me I am doing all I can do to contain my energy and not be the culprit of waking the sleeping.

This is exactly what God has been doing to me! Waking me up while the world still sleeps so that I might have a moment with just him. Because he knows how much I, like a little kid, do not like to miss anything. He knows that if I wait until the light shines through my window or I hear the first rustle in the next room before waking, even if I were to set my alarm to get up before the others, he knows I would keep hitting the snooze button and it would be the same scenario day after day, putting off my devotional time and quiet time with him because life easily calls me away. So this is day 7 that he has had me up not long after the birds have finished their attempt at waking the world. Thank goodness not many pay much attention to those birds or I would be having to get up at 3 am just to be alone in the quiet and stillness to get what God is trying to tell me I need to get!

"So, what exactly is it Lord? What is so important that you must wake me in the dark, to start what will now make for a very long day?" And he responds, (in my experience this only happens when we are willing and listening, unless he's REALLY trying to get your attention and I know what that's like too...I'd rather be willing and listen!) do believe although he may see me struggling a bit at times when I am feeling the need to pull back, he is chuckling when he says "because if I thought you could this on your own, I would leave it to your own will, and we both know how that story goes." Oh yes, I do. Thinking that I am superwoman, I can do all and be all. And in the process that means a lot of little short cuts along the way and we all know where shortcuts leave us, right back to where we started because sometimes there is just not a quicker or easier way to go about changing our lives. And I have tried it all or at least it feels that way. And guess what, not matter how many times I have tried to take the short cuts in life or the easier way, I have gotten lost and failed miserably because I was trying to do it on my own. And guess what else? Guess where I have ended up each and every time? Well, before God I ended up flat on my face, thinking the world was coming to an end and there was no point going on, yes the big pit of feeling sorry for myself, resenting others, isolating myself, loathing myself and simply making life so much harder than it needed to be. Now, when I find myself starting to drift or faced with temptations of taking a short cut (and still have a few of those moments although becoming less~yay!) I fall right back into the arms of God! Oh, it feels so much better to fall upon Him than the hard pit I was always falling back into.

So, He woke me again this morning. At first I thought, "it's just because I have so much to do! Dry the clothes for the yard sale that got soaked from the rain the night before (another attempt from the enemy to get me to put myself right back at the party of self-pity, but nope, I pulled out my shield of truth that blocked all those flaming arrows!) and some things to do for our get together with some family and friends, pay some bills" I put more clothes into dry, gathered some stuff for the party, got the computer out and paid some bills..."okay, Lord, surely you did not wake me at 5am on a Saturday morning to do these things?!" These are the kinds of things that I am trying to remind myself can wait just a few hours and don't need to be done with such urgency and perfection, well, unless of course not paying a bill results in no electricity when the others do awaken~LOL. As I began to pace, more in my mind than in the kitchen, I walked over to the table and picked up my Bible and opened it to Mark 9. I had no idea what I was going to turn to and so I read about the "what ifs" and the boy who was possessed by the devil. And then I thought I was just fighting an attempt to stay focused because I set it down and came straight here to my blog. I read a comment that was left about when we question and when we believe and there it was! This is why God woke me up!!! You don't just read a random passage in the Bible and then read a comment that correlates to it on accident!!! And so, this is what I responded to the comment and it led me to here: "I just read this very moment in Mark 9 about the boy who was possessed by the devil. Jesus speaks about how much longer, how many more generations will the unbelief go on! How many more times does he have to speak the word of God to His people before they believe it? I could feel Jesus' frustration in the text and it drew me nearer to Him, as it would a friend or a person I can relate to in a similar circumstance we ahve shared. And it also showed me how many let the devil lead their lives today and many without even realizing it. I too have been there, wondering "is this the will of God or the devil trying to get me to believe his lies?! So, that is why I am fiercely in the word and at such a time as this, as I am fighting for my very survival, as I do the best that I can to beat a killing disease. But I am finding that the devil wants me to believe more and more that there is nothing that can be done, that I am dying and that I should just accept that. But God has made his promise to me and my job is to grab a hold of it and BELIEVE it! Keep on~a shift is being made and we will one day rejoice in knowing that we were a part of something wonderful!"

And then I was reminded of a brief conversation I had with my husband last night about so many changes, although small, I am beginning to see in others. And I thought, "I know how hard it is to change and line yourself up with the word of God, yet still remain in this world so corrupted with the latest fashions, the easiest solutions, thousands of short cuts making you think that while you are saving time in one area or saving money in another, it's going to somehow make your life better and more fulfilling." But, I also thought that if I can do it, ANYONE can do it!!! Like I have said before I am still a work in progress but God has revealed many things to me, things about myself that I cringe when I think I was once that way, or feel overwhelmed when I realize how much work I still have to do, but he is also revealing to me some of the things that I was trying to change about myself that don't need changing at all, but rather simply need to be put to use! And you will never believe what passage came next after these conversations and thoughts racing through my mind...2 Corinthians 10! Tearing down barriers! I could rewrite all these passages for you but since I have spent so much time already this morning with Him, and would love to spend so much more, two of my other God-ordained responsibilities have woken for this glorious day. So, I encourage you if you are following these blogs for whatever reason and you want to have some amazing insight into what God lays upon my heart, go grab your Bible and spend some time with Him and see what He might reveal to you! And if you don't have a Bible you can get one anywhere! I recommend NIV for reading. I just got myself "The Message" rewritten by Eugene Peterson which is awesome as well and easy to understand. Because if you are anything like I was the first time I picked up a bible, I wondered where the road map was, where the directions were..."don't they have an instructional DVD or something that I could watch and learn how to read this? Do I start from the beginning and read it like a regular book? And what are all these numbers?!" Oh, I laugh at myself when I think about the days of frantically thumbing through my bible at my first services trying to get to where everyone else was turning before Pastor spoke because if I didn't everyone would hear not him alone, but also the annoyance of pages flapping frantically of the new girl who doesn't even know where Genesis is in the bible! And of course no one was thinking this, well at least not to my knowledge~lol! They were just thrilled I was there:-) And then when I found out the Bible has a table of contents too! OH GLORY! But then there was the pride of "I am not going to be seen referring to my table of contents at church, I should know where the book of Acts is." Oh, how many walls He has been tearing down!! And that is one I have loved to watch crumble! And so now, if I can't find the book we are in during service or at home or where ever I may be, I start right at the beginning~well, even before Genesis (I know where that one is now:-), and I start right at the table of contents because He put it there for a reason! Oh, He is so good, isn't he!

Be blessed everyone. I love you all and I know I am keepin on, but I pray that you are KEEPIN ON!